For anyone who has UC, Chrons or any kind of auto immune disease, the relief of reaching ‘remission’ is soon dampened with the sheer terror of having another ‘flare’ or relapse.
For me (6 months into first remission), it still feels like there is a huge elephant in the room – watching me with his beady little eyes.
I’m hoping that with time, the fear will ease and hopefully so will the likelihood of a flare. Even for those with mild hypochondria, the constant worry of feeling as terrible as you did before is crippling.
For example, I now worry about what I’ll be like planning a wedding (a very stressful time), going travelling for a long period of time, being pregnant/giving birth, dealing with other illnesses I may get – all these things which will undoubtably be very stressful, emotional times now cause a sense of flare up anxiety. It makes me feel I won’t be able to enjoy those times because I’ll be worried about a flare, or possibly already having a flare and therefore not able to really appreciate and drink in the happier occasions in my life. I know how silly this sounds when I say it out loud, worrying about the ‘what if’ of EVERYTHING – but that’s how I feel sometimes.
This is where positive mental attitude and mindfulness become areas I want to focus on, because the only way I’m going to move into the future is if I accept what’s happened and embrace what is to come.
I can’t say if I’m going to have a flare up tomorrow or if I’ll never have one again in my life…but then again I can’t say if I’ll get hit by a bus tomorrow or live to be 130. I think it’s human nature to question what lies ahead, we’re inquisitive beings – and worriers a lot of us too. But UC or no UC I can’t predict the future, so all I can do is live for the now and hope that by association this will make me less worried about the future.
Cease the day!
Thanks for reading folks. Again, love to hear your thoughts on this.